


Numb

by clownish



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Re7 - Fandom
Genre: Hallucinations, Hospitals, Paranoia, Self Harm, Umbrella Corporation, ethan and lucas are the only "survivors", ethan is actually kinda suicidal and also depressed!, ethan is literally going crazy, local man gets bullied by nurses, lucas is a big fucking baby who would've guessed, mia and zoe are dead oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:49:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19163356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownish/pseuds/clownish
Summary: basically i decided i was gonna make REAL canon because the DLCs suck ass. ethan is in a hospital and crying and he's sick of being alone and lucas is also there and doesn't wanna be alone and they've killed people and they're getting bullied by nurses, relatable. p.s. this is basically where ethan chose zoe, she's dead, and then he kills mia.





	1. Latrophobia

Ethan stared at the landscape outside of the helicopter, he felt a mixture of emotions but as a whole he felt mostly numb. As if he could honestly be stabbed right now and he probably wouldn’t notice or care. What had happened in the previous night and current morning was just damning, it was like a nightmare. He wished it was just a nightmare, that this was some insanely detailed dream.

  
Ethan couldn’t believe that those cannibals, the Bakers, were even real, that Eveline was real, that Mia had anything to do with this. That he murdered his own wife along with three other members of the Baker family, that he chose to cure Zoe over his own wife, just everything. It couldn’t be real, that couldn’t have happened. He felt mostly guilt about it all. The guilt Ethan felt was like a disease which was slowly killing him inside, and he had no way to stop this disease from spreading.

  
His facade of trying to act tough and unaffected by everything melted away and he couldn’t keep it up anymore, and ended up leaning forward down to his legs and sobbing. Ethan put his hands over the top of his head, and he sobbed, he simply didn’t care anymore. He was in a helicopter anyway, so for the most part his crying was covered up from the loudness of the helicopter.

  
The other two soldiers that were next to him for the most part ignored him, at best, they had looked over at the blonde when he had began to cry.  
He wept for maybe ten minutes, entirely draining the last of the energy he had from before. Ethan sat back up and wiped the last of his tears off of his face, he had quickly fell asleep.

About an hour had passed when Ethan was shook awake by a soldier. It took him a good minute to remember where he even was, and he slowly stood up and stretched. He followed the soldier that had shook him awake into a large gray and blue building.  
“Where are we going?” Ethan asked with his raspy voice. “Medbay.” The soldier answered quickly, moving quite faster than Ethan, it was somewhat difficult for Ethan to catch up since he was limping from having mold-made spikes impale his leg. It definitely hurt to step on the leg, but he didn’t complain as he simply limped along trying his best to keep up. Ethan’s limping resulted in the soldier saying: “Keep up.” Which proceeded to piss Ethan off a small bit, but he plainly explained, “I had my leg impaled like two hours ago by a fucking monster.”

  
“You’ve been through worse haven’t you? You can at least try and keep up,” the soldier retorted while waving a hand. The blonde wasn’t in the mood to deal with this asshole of a soldier. “You’re a fucking asshole, man. I just spent an entire fucking night almost getting killed multiple times, I could’ve died so many goddamn times in that--” He snapped at the other until the soldier interrupted him. “Fucking relax or whatever, Christ, I get it.” Ethan exhaled deeply and he had shut up.

  
The two eventually got to the Medical Wing (it’s official name but most soldiers call it the med bay) and the soldier had to look around first to even remember where he was supposed to take Ethan. The Medbay begun with a moderately long hall with a few doors on either side, until the hall turned into a large circular area that had a large pillar in the center with six large hospital esque doors which all lead to a specific block. The soldier looked around the crowded area trying to remember which block he was meant to take Ethan to.

“Did you forget where we’re going?” God, this was too much bullshit for Ethan to deal with. He was wondering whether he should give up caring or just be pissed off. “No! I didn’t just... it’s Block B, I know it is.” The soldier snapped a response, and he headed toward the left to the middle pair of doors. “Mind me asking your name?” The blonde asked as calmly as possible, and the soldier turned his head over his shoulder and back forward, he muttered, “What, gonna complain to someone ‘bout me?”  
“No.”  
“Then, why the fuck does it matter?”  
“Maybe I just wanna know, alright?”  
“It’s Mason.”  
“Nice name.”  
“Thanks.” Mason answered as he opened one of the two hospital doors for Ethan, and he finally lead Ethan into something more similar to a hospital room. “Just sit here and don’t go anywhere. Some doctor or nurse is gonna come and just run a check up on you, okay?” Mason informed and he walked off without Ethan even being able to respond.

He didn’t think much of the room, it was pleasant to say the most about it. The walls were a faded mustard color which greatly contrasted the previous various grays, gray-blues, and gray-greens. He walked over to the bed and practically fell into it, he curled up on the bed and was greatly thankful for a proper, even if short, chance to sleep. Ethan had only ten or so minutes of rest until a nurse with short, black hair walked in with several items which included: a clipboard, a couple of blood tubes, and an IV bag.

“Ethan Winters, huh?” She said, dumbly, and her southern accent was quite thick. “Well that sure is my name.” He joked and moved to sit up. The nurse laughed and replied, “Just call me White, it’s my last name.”

“Seem to be quite a few people with a color for a last name,” Ethan commented quietly as White began to check his vitals. White didn’t respond and they both were silent until the nurse was done but not with everything. “You can handle a needle, right?” White teased as she grabbed a butterfly needle and moved Ethan’s arm to be on top of his leg, and shrugged. He didn’t feel up to talk and he had no other non-verbal way to express how he felt. “Clench your fist,” she ordered and he did so, they once again were both in silence as White took the blonde’s blood in a vacutainer tube. He looked away from his arm the entire short period of time and was sadly left to stare at his crudely stapled hand.

She lastly grabbed the IV bag and Ethan was quick to protest, “Could you, uhh... maybe not do the IV? I don’t want to feel entirely like a patient.” White giggled and stated, “Ya kinda are a patient. So there’s not really anythin’ to do about that, and if I could give ya an injection I would be doin’ that right now. But you’re gettin’ an IV instead.”

Ethan quietly complained, “But I don’t... I don’t want... I don’t even wanna be here.” White clicked her tongue and laughed for a third time, “We can’t always get what we want, Winters.” Ethan frowned, and he once again looked away as White set up the IV and placed the IV bag onto the stand next to the bed.

“Well, that should be it for me pestering you, the doctor will swing by later.” White put up her hand as she walked off with the items she had left from checking Ethan. The blonde felt overwhelmed, he just wanted to go home and be there and sulk at least somewhere where he’d be familiar with. He was also somewhat irritable for whatever reason, that now he was technically a patient and that they’re going to cure him which he knew was going to take a while. He didn’t like the feeling of being a patient, and he didn’t want to be stuck here for any longer.

Ethan looked up at the clear IV bag and read what the medication he had been given was. In nice, bold letters the IV bag had ‘ **hydromorphone** ’ written on it, Ethan only vaguely knew that hydromorphone was a painkiller but that was really it. He assumed it was for his leg or whatever the hell else they thought was hurting on his body, but really his entire body was sore and hurt. Sure, the first aid meds had repaired any tissue he had poured it on, but it didn’t take off all of the pain from the ugly looking scratches, or lacerations.

Ethan was faintly grateful for the IV, and he stared up at the ceiling. So many thoughts were still going through his head, and he wished he wasn’t thinking any of them. He just wanted to stop thinking, to never think ever again in his life. He wanted to be numb. Numb to feel no emotion, numb to feel no pain, he simply wanted to be numb to not feel anything anymore.

At this point, he wouldn’t mind some whiskey, he didn’t care anymore. After he thought and thought and thought until he was left wondering if he could think anything worse, he shut his eyes. Ethan tried to sleep, it took a while but when he finally slept, it felt like he was asleep for years. His short dreams weren’t pleasant to say the least, they mostly consisted of being at the Baker’s house and being chased around by molded or Jack. Another dream consisted of him being infected and slowly dying from the mold but it was a short dream and he mostly ignored once he woke up.

One dream in particular stood out from the others, this was the only one that had Mia in it. In the dream, Ethan was at a home that wasn’t his and he was standing in the backyard, he was only out there because he noticed something odd about the yard, but he couldn’t tell what. Mia was there, Ethan felt his heart sink at the sight of her.

She had asked Ethan, “Why don’t you love me?” Ethan hesitated before responding, “I do love you. I always loved you.” Mia shook her head and poked Ethan’s chest, he shrank away in response. “No, you left me. You left me. Why did you leave me?” She accused.

  
He put out his hands and waved them slightly, he desperately said, “No, no, Mia, I wouldn’t leave you. I could never leave you.” His voice was full of guilt and sorrow. Mia repeated herself again and again, “You left me! You left me to die!” She pushed Ethan back, and he stumbled slightly and started to move backwards until he was backed up against the wall of the house. Mia continued to yell, “You left me!” over and over as Ethan cried out, “No! I didn’t! I wouldn’t!” Once his back was against the wall, he knew there was an axe next to him. He grabbed it and swung it at Mia.

Mia wailed in a pained and garbled voice, “You don’t love me!” Ethan continued to swing the rusted axe at Mia until she was dead. He dropped his axe and he stared down at Mia’s disfigured body, and it was as if he could still hear Mia’s shouts. Ethan stared in horror at what he did, Mia wasn’t even trying to hurt him, he just killed her without reason.

Ethan jerked awake. He was still in the same faded mustard colored room, and there was no doctor there. He had no clue how long he had slept, he could only guess maybe a few hours. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he didn’t want more nightmares.

Ethan got up slowly and noticed his leg didn’t hurt anymore, he was at least happy about that. He pulled the IV pole along with him to the bathroom, once again he got annoyed with the IV but he hoped this wouldn’t be for too long. Anyway, of course, he had to use the bathroom but another reason to why he went in there was to just stare at himself in the mirror.

It was still him, it wasn’t like his appearance especially changed, for whatever reason, other than him having several scratches on his face and neck and looking awful in general. Ethan ran his fingers over his new scratches as if he’d touch them they’d disappear, but that wasn’t the case. He tugged down on his face near the top of his cheek, and he stared at his dirty and scratched face. Lastly, Ethan turned on the faucet and splashed some of the cool water onto his face, once again as if that would also make the scratches disappear.

Ethan walked back to his bed and lied down once again. Now he’d have to wait, however long it may be.

He soon realized how alone he was, how he couldn’t talk to anyone he knew. Ethan didn’t even know if Lucas was dead, he knew for sure the rest of the Baker family was but not Lucas. He assumed Umbrella would want him alive, since he did have connections to whoever made the cure or whatever else they did. Ethan didn’t know anymore, he didn’t know what to do or what he could do about it at all anyway. He increasingly felt more alone, he longed for someone, not even to talk to, just someone to be with him. Ethan only wanted someone to hold him, to tell him everything would be okay, to do something about this. He was powerless to do anything about this.  
Finally, after thirty minutes or so passed after Ethan woke up a doctor came in. He felt an odd burst of happiness just to see someone come in.

“How’s it goin’, Winters? Hate it here, already?” The doctor waved his hands as he spoke, the old man was rather expressive. “Honestly? Yeah, I really do hate it here,” Ethan stated his obvious distaste for this place which reminded him of his longing to go home.

“How long will I have to be here?” Ethan sat up and stared at the doctor in an almost desperate way.

“Depends on how long makin’ a cure’s gonna take,” the doctor continued to wave his hands as he blatantly informed Ethan. “Also, the name’s Doctor Farren, and I definitely won’t be your only doctor,” Farren pointed at the blonde and chuckled, “You’re special. You’re infected. But you won’t be the only one if we catch that Baker kid alive, at least. Either way, people are tryna cure you, but there are people who wanna know how this infection works, like me.”  
“You’re kinda fucked.”  
“I get that sometimes.”  
“Surprising,” Ethan commented sarcastically. “But, are you in here to even do anything, or are you just here to tell me I’ll be stuck here forever and watch the hope disappear from my face?” He continued in a monotone voice to express his dislike for the doctor. Doctor Farren walked over to the IV bag and checked it, “Oh, no. Well, truth be told, you probably are gonna be here for maybe a couple of weeks. But I’m also here to move you into a different more... secluded room.”

Ethan raised an eyebrow at the doctor, “Secluded? What like a prison cell? I thought I was a patient.” Farren started to move the IV pole away from its original spot, and he gestured for Ethan to get up. “You are a patient. We just wanna move ya somewhere away from people, y’know?” The blonde stared at the old doctor with disbelief, and he didn’t say anything more since he could tell Farren would just continue to deny it with some bullshit reason.

Ethan got up and followed Farren out of the room back into the crowded and gray Block B. They walked from Block B to Block F which was on the other side of the circular common area of the Medbay. Block F was bigger than Block B and was more of a hallway than anything, and the area was once again gray like all of the others. The only thing that changed about the blocks were that they were all color-coded, and Block F was green. The previous Block B was yellow which was why the rooms inside were painted yellow.

Doctor Farren brought Ethan to a room that was similar to the one he was in before, but this room was much less cozy than the other one. “I feel more like a prisoner at this point, I’d rather feel like a patient,” Ethan complained and walked inside the desaturated olive green room. Farren shrugged, “Sorry ‘bout that. I’ll be sure people in charge to get you a better room. Want an apartment or some shit?”

Ethan glared at Farren, he exhaled deeply and angrily. “Fuck you! Almost everyone here has been an asshole to me and I didn’t do jackshit to any of y’all!” He yelled at the doctor, and he moved his arm to try and punch the gray-haired man but stopped himself.

“Ooh, threatenin’, but go on with that and we’ll have to sedate ya. Don’t want any fights, yeah?” Farren mocked, he grinned widely and waved as goodbye as he turned around to leave. Farren shut the metal door behind himself, and Ethan could hear the other’s footsteps fade away as he left.

Ethan went over and sat down in the bed in the room, there wasn’t really much inside the room. The most notable things other than the bed: was the small TV that hung on the wall, a white nightstand which stood next to his bed, and a small black drawer.  
Ethan pushed the nightstand to the side far enough to put the IV pole in the new space. He lied onto his side and stared at the small, lifeless TV that hung across from him. He wondered if this is how the rest of his days were going to be like, getting treated like shit and put into essentially a jail cell with little to nothing to do. The blonde continued to stay like that until he eventually fell asleep, he was lucky this time to have a dreamless nap.


	2. Latrophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> local man is scared of thunder, hears lucas, goes back to bed, and then hurts himself in the bathroom oops

 When he woke up, he thought he was still asleep, since the lights weren’t on like they were originally. Ethan was suddenly panicked and confused.  _ Why are the lights off? _ Ethan thought wildly, and he jumped up off the bed and looked around at emptiness. He didn’t remember ever turning them off, and he slowly inched his way towards the door to try and flip on the switch.

_ Click, click, click. _ The lights didn’t turn on. Ethan was getting increasingly worried about what was happening, and even though he had almost died multiple times only a few hours ago and murdered his wife without crying, he began to cry uncontrollably. He wrapped his arms around himself and cried for only a minute or so, and other than his pathetic sniffling there was silence. He then forced himself to stop and go out into the hallway, Ethan looked down both sides of the hallway. He had noticed specific lights in the hall were on, along with the lights that shone through the hospital doors at the end of the hall. 

All of a sudden, a loud clap of thunder rolled overhead the facility, and Ethan instinctively put his hands over his ears. He shakily walked down the hall while dragging along the IV pole with a tight grip.

He pushed his way through the hospital doors at the end of the hall. There were many more people in the circular area than when he was there previously, the people in the area were calm and seemed to not be worried at all about the conclusive blackout. Ethan came to the conclusion that there was a storm outside which caused a blackout, then Umbrella turned on whatever generators they had to have some light and power going. 

Ethan didn’t know what he should do. He could simply go back to his room and wait in the darkness, or he could wait here in the light until someone yells at him to go back to his room. He took the more idiotic decision to start wandering around, and he walked toward the hallway he originally came from with the soldier, Mason.

As Ethan came closer to the more empty and darker hallway, a couple of loud shouts and proceeded yelling broke the calm air and caught his attention. 

“Get away! Get  _ away _ !”

“God! Someone get a fucking sedative!”

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Someone screeched. “Get the hell  _ away _ from me!”

He could definitely make out Lucas’s voice from the other voices, and he continued listened to what was going on. Ethan couldn’t see any of this due to them being too far away and the hallway being so dimly lit. He could hear someone, probably Lucas, running down the hall toward himself, and it sounded like Lucas had gotten knocked over. He heard Lucas struggle to get away and continue to yell. “No! No! Let go! Let go of me, you fff-fucker!”

As soon as the yelling stopped, Ethan assumed Lucas had been sedated like the other voice yelling for a sedative suggested. For whatever reason, Ethan was greatly surprised, he wasn’t sure if it was because Lucas fucking Baker was anywhere even near him once again or maybe it was because of how much Lucas was freaking out over being here.  _ This place sure seems to like sedatives _ , Ethan commented mentally and had slowly walked down the hall. He didn’t know why he was walking toward all the shit that was happening ahead, but he was slightly curious to see... Lucas, maybe? Who knows. He sure as hell didn’t know. Ethan crept along and could only faintly see down the hall someone carrying the tall, fragile man away. 

He felt almost sorry for Lucas, the other man was obviously freaked out and scared, but he kind of really deserved it. Another sudden, loud wave of thunder rolled overhead, and Ethan once again bunched up and put his hands over his head. The blonde had always hated thunder, it was too loud and he couldn’t even predict when there’d be thunder in this prison.

Ethan shuffled back toward the main area of the wing and wondered what to do next, he didn’t want to sit in that dark room and he didn’t want to be here with all these people walking around. He was also slightly concerned for possibly getting told off for leaving his room, but he was already coming up with an explanation to why in his head if that happened. Ethan slowly made his way back toward his room, and he thought about all the places in this most definitely massive building.

While he was thinking, he suddenly remembered how hungry he was and that he hadn’t even eaten in over a goddamn day. Ethan mostly shrugged it off and assumed he’d get food sometime in the morning, whenever that was, since Umbrella obviously wouldn’t want him to starve to death. 

He reluctantly went back down the dim Block F, and he tried to remember which room was his but he only figured it out due to the fact he hadn’t closed the door to his room. He hesitated before going into his room, he slipped into the dark room and blindly moved over to his bed without closing the door. Suddenly, Ethan remembered he had a flashlight, but he couldn’t find it and assumed it got dropped at some point.

More thunder howled outside the building. Ethan faintly wished for some more windows in the building, the only window he had seen in the past several hours was the ceiling window in the main area of the Medbay. He definitely hated thunder but he wouldn’t have minded to possibly see the rain, to watch how it dripped down the window to keep his mind off of things. 

Ethan moved the messy sheets that were on the bed and sat down, he wiggled his tight shoes off and unbuttoned his white, bloody button down. The blonde realized how he couldn’t regularly get his shirt and undershirt off, and that he’d have to take the IV from off the pole and weirdly take it off that way. So, he did, while wanting to get rid of both of the ruined shirts, and tossed his tattered clothes onto the floor and placed the IV bag back onto its pole. Ethan was thankful there was little to no light in the room, since he didn’t want to see his scratched chest. 

However, Ethan did hesitantly run a hand over his chest to feel all the cuts that were left from however many times he poured the meds onto himself. He leaned back and propped himself up with one arm, while he used his other hand to feel a large deep gash in the middle of his chest from when he had fought Mia in the guest house attic. Then further down on his side were small little cuts from a bomb when he was in the barn and only a few other cuts that were on his chest. 

Ethan sighed and fully lied down, he was upset about the scratches because they would turn into scars and the scars would look ugly. He decided to try and forget thinking about the scars, and he pulled his legs up onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. There was still thunder roaring outside, and he eventually turned onto his side to more easily cover his ears from the loud noise. 

Ethan felt like everything was against him. That everything wanted to go perfectly wrong for him. He thought he’d find Mia after so many years of thinking she was dead, but instead he ended up killing her multiple times and finally killing her for good. He was even just taken to this Umbrella facility and everyone so far had been an ass to him. Ethan didn’t know if this was karma for something he had done, that he deserved all the trauma and being treated poorly. He wondered,  _ Will anything be alright for me anymore? Will I just be alone, forever?  _ He knew that Umbrella couldn’t just leave him be after curing him and most probably sending him back to the real world, where he’d have to deal with people once again. What will they do? What will happen? What else could a corporation like Umbrella fuck up even more in his life, now? 

Ethan was tired of trying to guess what would come after this, what would be next, because whatever it was would be a huge gamble. Anything could happen.

 

The blonde tried to sleep through the thunderstorm, even if he’d get nightmares again, but for the most part it was in vain. It took him so long to fall asleep, when he woke up it didn’t even feel like he had slept. But maybe that was more because of the several new nightmares he had, thankfully, none were about Mia. Ethan would’ve rather been terrified in his dreams than feel guilty and heartbroken. 

This time the worst dream he had was being infected, and this time he remembered it in much more vivid detail. 

He was wandering around the abandoned guest house, and he didn’t know what he was doing he was just wandering. Ethan felt wildly unsafe in the house even though there was absolutely nothing to state a reason for him to feel so unsafe, either way he continued to wander.

Ethan begun to cough badly as he walked through the rotting kitchen, and he kept walking, cautiously. As he left the kitchen, his chest actually started to hurt, it was more of a dull pain than anything but it still hurt. The blonde moved slowly down the hall and coughed and coughed, until he finally noticed as he approached the door at the end of the hallway something black on his hand. Along with that, he noticed his hands were faintly gray and a black vien-looking mold was seeping out of his hands.

Understandably, the blonde felt a large sense of panic, and he knew for sure he was going to die. Ethan swung the door in front of him open and he began to rush through the house, as if he was looking for something to cure him. The pain in his chest was ever so present and actually the pain started to feel more sharp and like real pain. He was increasingly confused as he fell over onto his knees next to the room which had the wall was broken through.

Ethan put a hand to his chest as he coughed up more black mold, he tried to get up but fell over. Luckily, the pain in his chest faded away as quickly as it came. The black mold that seeped through Ethan’s hands grew more and more until a fine layer of a vien-y blackness covered his skin. He simply stared as the mold got worse and worse.

Ethan jolted awake and immediately sat up, with tears already present in his eyes, and he hysterically wiped his arms of nothing. He soon realized there was thankfully nothing on his arms and let out a soft sigh of relief. He sniffed and slowly lied back down, then he turned onto his side and stared out into space as he began to subtly shake from crying. 

Ethan wondered as he sobbed why his chest had started to hurt during his nightmare, since that shouldn’t happen. He wondered if his chest actually hurt when he was sleeping and it simply transferred into the nightmare. He put a hand to his chest and felt around, but there was nothing external to explain the pain. 

_ I am infected... maybe I’ll die sooner than they can cure me _ , Ethan thought. He turned to stuff his face into his pillow and he sobbed into it to muffle his crying. He suddenly felt ashamed of himself since he realized how many times he’d cried just recently, even though regularly he was honestly a bit of a crybaby. Ethan tried his best to stop crying and he did, but only for a couple of moments before returning to crying. 

The blonde once again turned over and he now curled up into a sad little ball and continued his weeping. 

He didn’t go back to sleep after he was done crying, even though he was exhausted and now had a faint headache. Ethan got up, shakily, and carefully moved over to the door, that he noticed was now closed. He flipped the switch next to the door on and swiftly shut his eyes in response to the bright light that flooded the room. “Goddamn...” He muttered and looked around the room. Ethan was left to squint to try and notice if there was anything else different about the room, but he couldn’t make anything else out that changed.

He turned the light back off, and instead shuffled over toward the bathroom door and turned on the light in there. He slowly moved back out and sat down on his bed. Ethan had nothing to do and that scared him slightly, he would’ve turned on the TV but he was weirdly anxious about doing that. There wasn’t any reason for him not to turn it on, but he decided not to. 

The blonde guessed his next best option was to wait for someone to come into his room, probably to give him food or something of the sort. That immediately reminded him of what time it was, which he didn’t know. He heard a clock that was inside the room after a few moments of listening, but he couldn’t see it from wherever it was in the dimly lit room. He sighed, disappointed, and he tried to see whatever else he could. The only thing he could see was a possible new set of clothes on the drawer under the TV.

Ethan went over to grab the soft cotton clothes that were apparently set there by a nurse or someone. He vaguely wondered why they hadn’t also left food at least, but he took the clothes over to the bathroom light to take a look at them. Once he saw them in the light, he realize he had been given scrubs for whatever reason.

He came to the conclusion that they didn’t really have any other clothes and these were the cheapest anyway, since otherwise he had no clue why he’d be given scrubs. Ethan scooted into the bathroom and his IV pole shifted along with him until it crashed to the floor, he jumped and quickly put a hand to his chest due to fright. He took several deep breaths to try and calm down as much as he could, but he eventually picked back up his lying IV pole off of the floor. 

Ethan carefully pulled the pole along with him, and he looked into the small mirror in the bathroom. He stared at the nasty cuts on his chest for a good couple of moments before quickly turning away, and he tried not to look at himself in the mirror. There was another problem, however, the fact the cuts were on his body and didn’t only appear when he was in front of a mirror. 

Ethan was disappointed and he wished for the scratches to have never been there. He once again was tasked to figure out how to put the scrubs on, and he decided he’d just do the same as he did before. He once again took the IV off of the pole and struggled to get the shirt on, but he finally managed do and was dearly content with the shirt. It was nice and incredibly soft, which pleased Ethan’s sensitive nerves. 

He then was left to take off his pants, which let him see the many bruises that were on there that he didn’t realize were there before. He went ahead and sat on the lid of the toilet, and he stared down at his legs. 

Ethan’s legs were horribly bruised and had a few nasty scratches of their own, especially the discolored area where his leg was previously cut off. He pressed lightly on a couple of the bruises, each of them producing a faint sharp pain, only dulled due to the painkillers he was on. Ethan placed his right leg onto his other knee carefully and inspected his ankle. The area where the leg was cut off had a small indent the entire way around the leg and already looked scarred. 

He quickly moved on, getting up and putting on his pants, since he didn’t want to dwell on the appearance of his legs. Ethan turned off the light in the bathroom and lied back down on his bed. 

It was several minutes till he got up and hurriedly went over to the door, hissing quietly as he opened it, and went out to go find something to eat. There was one problem, once again he wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to leave his room, but the door wasn’t locked so maybe he was allowed to go out.

Luckily, Ethan saw a nurse at the end of the hall, and he made his way over to them. Once he approached the short, nervous nurse, the nurse told him, “You sh-shouldn’t be out right now, it’s only 6am. Why are you out?” Ethan was faintly confused and he didn’t know how to answer at first until he mumbled, “I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten in... What’s today?” He couldn’t really believe he already lost his sense of time from only being here for a day or so, but he couldn’t remember for the life of him what today was.

“The twenty-first, it’s Friday, and j-j-just wait another hour for food, alright?” He stuttered quietly and begun to walk away before Ethan grabbed the nurse by his shirt. “Hey! Let go!” The nurse jerked away from the blonde’s grasp. “Please, I haven’t eaten in a day or two,” Ethan begged slightly, but the nurse shook his head. “Just wait, p-p-please, and go back to your room.” 

Ethan groaned quietly but complied and returned back to his small room. He shut the door quietly and shuffled into the bathroom. 

The blonde once again stared at his own reflection while his stomach growled loudly. He had a sudden idea. Is he even worthy enough to eat? The man who killed his own wife and three other people, have the grace of eating? 

He almost immediately became disgusted with his mirrored face, and like everything else about his body he didn’t want to see it anymore. “I don’t deserve to eat, because I’m a horrible, awful person! An awful, shitty, horrible, fucking piece of shit person. What an awful person I am, killing my own fucking wife, killing Mia.” Ethan rambled his thoughts out loud, almost immediately feeling more and more guilty and disgusting with each word he said. He glared at his revolting reflection and a more destructive urge bubbled up from inside him.

Ethan punched the mirror, the glass mirror shattered from the center to each side of the object. This action obviously made Ethan’s hand bleed profusely, and he held it tightly to his chest and blood seeped into his new clothes. His new reflection was at least better than before,  making his face look cracked and distorted and more bearable to look at. The state he was in lead him to his next action, in which he begun to scratch at his stapled hand. 

He scratched desperately at the discolored and indented ring around his arm, and it wasn’t too soon until both his arms were now bleeding. Ethan felt as though the hand wasn’t supposed to be there, it wasn’t supposed to be attached to his arm anymore. Sure, he was grateful he had two hands, but it didn’t feel right and he didn’t want it there anymore. He didn’t notice or acknowledge the hot tears pouring down his face, and he continued with the mutilation of his arm. 

All of the pain began to flood in like water breaking through a dam, and he collapsed on the floor. He squirmed futilely on the floor while holding his bloodied arms to his chest. Ethan dragged himself into the shower room and as he did so the IV pole fell over, and before he turned on the shower he tore the IV needle out from his arm.

He kicked away the IV pole, and he struggled to get onto his knees and turn on the shower but he did nonetheless. A harsh wave of water poured down on him, and he pushed himself away from the water.

The only thing Ethan could think was that he deserved this. He deserved everything bad that has happened to him in the last two days, for whatever reason. However, he pushed these thoughts away and simply listened to the sound of the shower. The sound hushed any and all new thoughts he would have and he was thankful. 

He moved his still bleeding arms to wash the blood off and hoped they would stop bleeding soon. 

Ethan slid along the turquoise tiled wall to move into the pelting water. He placed his face into the pouring water, until he realized there was glass in his right hand. He cursed quietly as he began to take the small shards out of his hand, resulting in his hand to bleed more once again. 

He leaned back onto the tile wall and stared up at the silver shower head, though squinting slightly. It was a good while until Ethan finally got up and turned off the shower. Since he was soaking wet, along with his new clothes, he rummaged through a small cabinet on the opposite side of the shower and grabbed a large yellow towel that was inside. 

Ethan wrapped himself up in it and shuffled to his bed, and he sat down, shivering subtly. However damn long he was sitting in there was enough time for the nurse to come into the room shortly after he got out of the shower. 

The nurse flipped on the lights as she carried a tray into the room, Ethan had jumped at the tall lady’s presence. 

“What are you so damn scared about?” The nurse muttered, and she went over to the drawer and placed the tray on top. The blonde was thankful to have the blanket cover up his arms, he was scared of the nurse questioning him on why. He was scared for whatever reason getting in trouble for having a breakdown. 

“Where’s your IV, mister?” 

“Th-the IV?” He stuttered. 

“Yeah, whe-” The nurse had turned around to see the pole she was talking about toppled over on the floor, along with his blood. “What the hell did you do?” The unforgiving nurse went into the humid bathroom, and she picked the IV pole right back up. She returned it to its original place next to the nightstand, and she demanded, “I need to check you, get that stupid towel off.” Ethan refused, “No, no, no. I can’t. I- I don’t want to.” He held the towel closer to himself and leaned away. 

The nurse grabbed his towel and begun to tug it off of him, he somewhat yelled, more like whisper-yelling. “I’m fine, I’m fine! You don’t have to check me, just leave!” He cried, but the nurse just continued and finally won the little squabble for the towel. Ethan quickly tried to hide his arms however he could, or at least get them further away from this crazy nurse. 

The nurse grabbed his stapled hand and simply huffed at the fresh scratches that surrounded the laceration. “You idiot. I’ll get some fucking bandages.” She huffed angrily once again and stomped off out of the room. Ethan wasn’t sure if he was supposed to sigh in relief at this point, since she was angry but it wasn’t like he was in any kind of trouble. He faintly ran his fingers over the scratches and pulled them away almost immediately. “Fuck, ow.”

The nurse came back and cleaned the scratches with some rubbing alcohol, she then bandaged it up tightly. It thankfully covered the nasty laceration, but the bandages were a bit too tight. “I need to check the rest of you, you idiot. Make sure you didn’t scratch anything else up.”

“I’m fucking fine...  _ I swear _ ...” Ethan whispered in a desperate way. The nurse shook her head, and she grabbed his other arm. She looked over it thoroughly, she only had to bandage up Ethan’s knuckles. “No. No, you’re not. You broke the fucking mirror and scratched up your fucking wrist or whatever. You’re not fine.” The nurse spat with voice full of venom that scared Ethan. 

The nurse grabbed at one of the blonde’s legs, which immediately threw him off in both meanings of that. She tugged up the leg of his pants, and she immediately saw a few shards of the mirror in his leg and picked them out. He inhaled sharply and tried to pull his leg away, but the other had a firm grasp on his leg. 

“Fucking let... go of me.” Ethan growled, finally entirely sick of this nurse’s absolute bullshit. The nurse didn’t answer and moved onto his other leg, the blonde kicked the nurse away. “Hey! If you just let me take out the  _ probable _ piece of glass in your other damn leg, I can leave!” The nurse yelled as her face turned red. 

“I don’t want you to fucking touch me, you crazy bitch.” Ethan got up and slapped the nurse.

The nurse simply put a hand over the slapped side of her face and glared at Ethan. The tall lady, just a bit taller than Ethan actually, grabbed the blonde by the shirt. “You’re fuckin’ bringing me real damn close to breaking that stupid damn oath I said to not do harm to patients.” She pushed him back and took another couple of steps away. “I don’t think you ever cared about that oath.” Ethan retorted, but he was still unbelievably pissed off and wanted to punch this nurse this time around, punch her till her nose was broken. 

“Just sit the fuck back down and let me take the damn glass out.” She nodded toward the bed. “No, I don’t want you touching me. Y’all are all fucking assholes here, y’all really are.” 

“You get used to it being here a long time.” He went silent, this crazy bitch was just excusing all of this awful treatment, alright, thanks Umbrella. The nurse took a step towards Ethan, obviously sick of his shit. The blonde suddenly brought three hard swings to the center of the nurse’s face, which ended up breaking her nose. Ethan stumbled backwards, almost surprised by his own actions. The nurse brought both of her hands to her face, covering her bloody nose while she screamed in pain. Filled with rage, the nurse grabbed Ethan by the shirt again, this time throwing him to the floor, Ethan didn’t have enough time to catch his fall and ended up slamming his face into the tile floor. His head began to spin when he looked back up at the bitchy nurse.

            “You motherfucker, you’re fuckin’ crazy, you should be sent to a fucking mental hospital. I’ll have to sedate you.” The nurse sneered at the blonde on the floor, which only pissed Ethan off more. Before the nurse could leave, he grabbed one of her ankles and pulled the nurses leg out from under her and caused her to fall back and hit the back of her head on the tile. 

“No- you can’t.” Anger mixed with anxiety bubbled in Ethan’s chest as the nurse began to sit up. He threw another punch, hitting her square in the jaw. The nurse launched forward to try and get on top of Ethan, but he pushed her to the side before she could pin him down. They both wrestled around on the floor, trying to get on top of the other for a better advantage while they blindly threw punches. The nurse landed a punch directly in Ethan’s eye, it was definitely going to bruise. It took Ethan off guard and he fell back, gasping for air while the nurse stood up, blood still dripping from her nose onto her scrubs and the tile.

The nurse stormed out of the room, and slammed the door behind her as she yelled out for a sedative from anyone. Ethan didn’t have any amount of effort to try and get up, and there wasn’t any reason to anyway. He was going to be sedated and there was really nothing he could do about it. 

It wasn’t too long until a different nurse, the nurse from almost an hour ago, came into the room with the sedative the other nurse was asking for. “Oh, i-i-it’s you. Why would you b-beat Heather up? I mean, Anderson, that n-nurse’s last name, Anderson. Sorry.” The small nurse had only looked at Ethan for a moment and this entire time was just staring at any other part of the room possible. The blonde didn’t answer and simply shut the eye that wasn’t swollen. The nurse went over, kneeled down next to Ethan, and injected the sedative into the other’s neck. The nurse had gotten up and quickly left to get someone else to get Ethan’s now passed out body back onto his bed. 


	3. Latrophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fucking rat child. that is all

It was several hours when Ethan had woken up. As he had woken up, he immediately knew he had no sense of how much time had passed, he wasn’t even sure what day it was at all. He didn’t do anything for a solid five minutes after he woke up, but he eventually sat up and put his legs over the edge of the bed. 

Since the lights were on this time around, he was able to clearly look at the clock that was next to the bathroom door, and it was almost 4pm. He was surprised at how long he was out, but his attention was now brought to the fact he was starving. Ethan clearly remembered he had been brought food before he was sedated though, and he went over to the dark gray tray that was on the drawer. The food that was in front of him almost reminded him of the food that was at the Baker’s house. It looked unappetizing though it was simply chicken and mashed potatoes, but he took the fork on the tray and tasted a little bit of the mashed potatoes. It was alright but nothing special, it was the same with the chicken. Ethan quickly lost his appetite and lied back down.

Since he didn’t have anything to do, he forced himself to try and go back to sleep. Instead of sleeping he simply lied there with his eyes closed for maybe around an hour or even two. He already felt exhausted from just doing absolutely nothing, he wanted to go somewhere do something. 

Ethan begun to get a headache and he continued to try and sleep, he had turned multiple times back and forth as he tried to sleep. He eventually gave up and finally sat up, he looked around the room trying to find something to just stare at. His eyes finally settled onto staring at the cold metal door several feet in front of him. His headache gradually went away, and he wondered if he should once again try and sleep but he truly wasn’t sure. 

While Ethan had been staring at the door, his attention had been pulled toward a familiar black-haired little girl standing in the corner of the dull room. He jumped and pushed himself into the corner his bed was against. “Eveline...? No, no, you’re dead...” He whispered as he trembled, and he pulled his legs to his chest as some sort of defense, maybe. “I killed you! You died!” Ethan continued, his heart was beating out of his chest. Eveline slowly walked towards him, silent, she stopped in front of the bed. “What do you want from me? Why are you here?”  

“No reason,” she giggled, “it’s just funny to see you like this!” Eveline then ran off towards the door as if she had vanished into it.

Ethan stared at where the small child had stood before, his mind still couldn’t process the fact that he had seen that bitch of a child again nor that she had suddenly disappeared without a trace. 

He took a while to relax and lie back down, though when he did lie down he pulled the sheets over himself as if he were cold. Though he was more calm than he had been just a few minutes ago, he was still terrified for himself. Once again he was hallucinating, the last time was when he was in the guest house. He hoped dearly that he wouldn’t hallucinate again near now, that would mean he would get worse and if was sooner than two days or so that mean he’s getting worse quicker. 

Ethan’s thoughts were a carousel spinning around and around the same thing and he couldn’t make it stop. He stuffed his head under his pillow as if he could bury his thoughts away, but of course there was no way to do that. 

He stayed like that for a long time, though from time to time he put his head back above the pillow. The only good part of this entire routine he was now doing to pass the time was the crisp air he got to breathe unlike the stuffy air beneath the pillow. 

 

Ethan had eventually fallen asleep like the multiple times he has before in this stupid gray facility, but thankfully he didn’t have any nightmares. Though when he had woken up it was only a few hours later when he had fallen asleep. Problem was he didn’t know when he even fell asleep, so once again he was confused as hell on how long he was doing what and how long he had slept. The only item of reference he had was once again the clock, which showed him it was around 5am. 

This time when he woke up he was more angry than anything, since he had nothing to do and it was all Umbrella’s fault. It was all their goddamn fault!

Ethan got up and begun to walk around his small room, another thing to do when there was nothing else. He walked in a T-like shape around the room, and he gradually realized how awful it was to be left to just yourself and your own thoughts. 

Throughout his walking he had bursts of rambling a bit out loud to himself, but mostly internally. This would mostly consist of him really repeating the same things over and over again, whatever he was repeating changing as he thought up different things. He wondered if he’d go crazy first from being alone than from the infection itself. 

_ Infection?  _ He had thought,  _ maybe I shouldn’t call it the infection and just call it the stupid fucking Gift like they did. Why not? Why not pretend it’s a gift? Why not? Why not? _

Ethan had stopped and pulled down on his face like you would if you were tired. Maybe he was simply tired of thinking as a whole. Either way, after a few more moments he continued this way for possibly another hour and a half. At the end of the hour and a half, he forced himself to eat the now old food that had been sitting on his drawer. The blonde was half tempted to go and throw it up, but he didn’t, knowing he had to eat at least  _ something _ . 

He went back to walking after he took a while to keep down the stale food he just ate. His feet were beginning to hurt along with his leg that was impaled with that thick spike of mold. Ethan didn’t understand why his leg was still hurting, he thought it would’ve stopped by now since it was, what three days now since that night? He didn’t even want to try and figure out if that was right or not. Either way, it was odd his leg was hurting, since, of course, it should’ve regenerated like everything else on his body that was stabbed or lobbed off. 

Maybe it was because he hadn’t poured any of the first aid meds on it like he had with everything else, and since he wasn’t fully infected he couldn’t regenerate as easily. Such as, Lucas could probably get all of his limbs chopped off and be able to regenerate them back as if he were a damn starfish. Ethan could probably only at best be able to have things like simple cuts to regenerate much faster than they usually would, so far at least. 

Ethan wasted his time till it was 7am, or a bit later, this time instead of a nurse to give him food the nurse who came into his room had asked him to follow her.

“You’re going to see a doctor, he just wants to know how you are.” The nurse stated in an upbeat tone, Ethan faintly wished he could be as happy as this nurse was acting. Though her cheerful tone gave Ethan a slight bit of hope for something good to happen. He truly didn’t care if his hope was useless, he simply felt alright and took the chance to stay with the feeling.

He followed the nurse into one of the other blocks, he didn’t get a chance to see which block it was. The only clue of which block he was in, was from the stripe of purple going along the hallway in the block. 

The nurse brought Ethan into a room that looked very similarly to a doctor’s office, though it was a bit more empty than it usually would’ve been. “This is Doctor Dixon, one of your doctors obviously, but he’s the lead doctor you could say.” The cheerful nurse stated and quickly hurried out of the small office once she was done speaking. 

“Just sit down in that chair,” Dixon said, his voice was raspy and he had tried to clear it to sound normal. Ethan listened to Dixon and sat down on the chair that faced the doctor. Dixon’s desk was set against the wall, not how you’d usually expect the desk to be in the middle of the room like some kind of principal's office. “So, Mr. Winters, how have you been?” Dixon grabbed a clipboard and a pen from off of his desk.

Ethan hesitated, he didn’t know if he should just be honest about how horrible this place is or lie to possibly keep the doctor happy. “I’m fine. Also, could you please not call me Mr. Winters? Just call me Winters or Ethan, I don’t wanna be all formal and whatever shit.” Ethan was for the most part telling the truth, right? Sure. 

“Oh? Okay then, sorry.” Dixon looked down at his clipboard for a few long seconds, he seemed slightly embarrassed. “So, how about that black eye?” The doctor gestured to Ethan’s bruised eye with the end of his pen. “That’s from the fight I heard you got in, right?”

Ethan was surprised he had pretty much entirely forgotten about his black eye and really the fight from yesterday. Was it yesterday? Yes, it was, he was certain. “Oh, right. Yeah, I got into a fight with a nurse,” he mumbled, “but she was a bitch and deserved it.” He didn’t look at Dixon’s face at all, he mostly stared down at the doctor’s clipboard. 

“You fought with Anderson, right? She was always a pushy bitch, honestly. A lot of people here are just assholes, but you learn to deal with it. You also get to be an asshole back to the idiotic people here.” Dixon was going to say more, but he stopped himself and tried to get back to what he was supposed to do. “Anyway, I’m supposed to ask you questions, y’know the usual stuff when you go to the doctors.”

Ethan got nervous when Dixon mentioned he’d be answering questions, he didn’t have a good reason for being nervous he just was. “Though, this time it’d be more than just medical questions. Someone asked me, well not really someone but my boss pretty much, told me to ask you what happened at the Baker house. Well, if you could.” This is what Ethan was nervous about, he knew this would happen, of course at some point he’d be asked about what happened that night. 

“Please, I don’t wanna talk about what happened, not yet at least. Since you’re probably going to force me to tell you if I never do.” Dixon nodded, “That’s fine. That’s alright.” The doctor seemed to skim over the subtle accusation. “Then I’ll just move onto the medical questions, alright?”

“Sure, what are the questions then?” Dixon went through the questions quickly, only a few of the questions standing out.

“Have you had any hallucinations?”

“Hallucinations? Well... no, no, I haven’t.”

“You don’t seem very sure on that.”

“Well, I’m not sure, actually.”

“Fair enough, then.”

Ethan was shaking by the end of the questions, racked with anxiety for no good goddamn reason. Dixon pretended not to notice how Ethan was shaking, and he simply said once they were done, “You can go back to your room.”

Ethan got up, he almost fell over due to the sheer fact he was so shaky. His legs felt like they were noodles and wouldn’t keep straight no matter what he did. The blonde made his way down the purple hallway, he was almost at the end of the hall until he had fallen over. He had fallen onto one knee more than the other, and he had probably bruised it if not definitely. 

Ethan couldn’t get himself to get back up, and he probably would’ve lied there for the rest of his life if a nurse didn’t go over to him and help him up. Though a nurse even coming through the hall at all took a couple of minutes. “Are you okay, sir?” The nurse asked as he put a hand onto Ethan’s shoulder and the other onto Ethan’s arm. “I think so,” the blonde croaked. The nurse, who had been wearing purple scrubs, had eventually got him to his room after trying to figure out which of the rooms in the hall was Ethan’s. 

Whatever happened for the next couple of hours blurred together with the rest of his entire experience at this almost entirely windowless facility. The only thing of note was when a nurse once again brought in food. Ethan was confused on why, since it was only about 4pm, and he thought that they had only brought in food at least once a day. Otherwise, he didn’t care about the food at all, he left it to sit there until he would get the courage to force himself to eat their food again. 

Ethan went into the bathroom, the glass from the mirror he had broke was cleaned up a long while ago when he had been sedated. However, they had not replaced the mirror yet and he was thankful for that. 

He had been considering for the past couple of hours whether or not he should take a proper shower, and not just getting into a shower due to a breakdown. He paced back and forth inside the bathroom, he wanted to take a shower but he also didn’t want to take the effort to do all of the steps to actually take a shower. Ethan was also dreading taking off his clothes and having to look at his own body. This was really the only deciding factor, whether he would take a shower or not. So far, his insecurities were winning.

Ethan was trying to weigh what he would do in the shower to him having to see his own body. Maybe he could just put off taking a shower? Or maybe he was still for the most part filthy after taking that joke of a shower whenever he did before, he didn’t really remember when at this point. 

Firstly, he tasked himself to figure out how long he had been in this stupid facility and he wished he had a paper at the same time. Ethan decided to go out of his room and ask for a piece of paper and a pen or pencil, he happened to have found the nervous nurse from before down the hall. He asked the familiar nurse if he could have a piece of paper and something to write with, the nurse happily obliged and hurried off to find what Ethan had asked for. 

When the nurse returned he came back with even more than one page and a pen and a pencil, Ethan thanked the other man and hurried off back to his room. He made a tally mark for each day, trying to remember what happened in the day before tallying it. When he came here he got his blood taken, there was a thunderstorm, and he heard Lucas screaming down a hall. Second day, well fuck, he couldn’t remember... It took a while but he realized it was only yesterday that he had punched the mirror and beat up that nurse. He marked three lines onto his paper, he made a small description of each day so he could remember. 

Ethan wasn’t that surprised that he couldn’t even remember yesterday well, since he regularly couldn’t even remember what he had for breakfast if anything. But he more so wasn’t surprised since he had been doing almost nothing the past three days except mostly sleeping, getting angry, or crying.

He wrote the pros and cons to showering on the same paper. He had only one con on the paper and the con was obvious. He only wrote one pro to it, which was being clean, he had another one but why the fuck would he write that one down. 

Ethan finally decided it was better to just shower and get it over with at least then just pace around and worry about it. He left the paper on the drawer, which he had been writing on, and he went back into the bathroom. He hesitantly stripped down and placed his clothes onto the edge of the sink. Ethan went into the shower room, in a painfully slow way, and he didn’t even immediately turn on the shower. He took almost literally like five minutes to just stand there, contemplating whether or not he should truly shower. He even just put his hand onto the shower handle to turn it, but he didn’t each time. He was also pretty uncomfortable with shower rooms because of the only form of privacy he had was a goddamn glass wall, which obviously was little to no privacy other than when the steam would eventually fog up.    
Ethan finally turned on the damn shower, and he leaned against one of the walls in a way to be able to only lean forward a little bit and get his hair wet. He hurried through the process of washing his hair, he was sure he hadn’t washed it in almost a week. When he was done washing it he slowly slid down the tiled wall and sat on the floor of the shower room, he thought it was slightly gross. 

Ethan shut his eyes and sat there for a while, he let the water pour down onto him. He honestly contemplated whether or not he should jack off, but he knew he would feel guilty if he did. He shouldn’t be allowed to have any kind of pleasure, he should just suffer with the fact he killed his own wife instead. 

Even though Ethan knew fully well how guilty he’d probably feel afterward he still went ahead and did it, since jacking off did make you happier didn’t it? 

Anyway, he had moved slightly to the side, getting somewhat out of reach of the water from the showerhead, and rubbed himself. He jacked off mindlessly, he thought about honestly nothing in particular the entire time. When he finished, he got out of the shower as quick as he could, grabbed a large towel to cover himself, and fell into his bed. For the most part Ethan felt better, but he knew that nagging part of his conscious would come in and ruin it all with how he didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t even deserve to be alive, haha!

Ethan turned onto his other side to face away from the light in the bathroom that he didn’t turn off. He tried not to think about it, he really just tried not to think at all. His method didn’t work all too well.

_ It was fine, it was entirely fine _ , he told himself. Ethan pulled his blanket over himself while holding onto the towel that was already covering him tightly. He once again tried to force himself to sleep, just to pretend none of this was happening. This time when he thought about particularly nothing at all his mind wandered to odd situations as he dozed off.   



End file.
